The ocean has a thousand different colors to match a thousand different emotions. The ebb and flow of each wave carries someone’s hopes and fears, someone’s dreams realized or abandoned. When I look at the far away horizon, where the endless vast ocean meets the wide open sky, I see possibility and lots of it. The possibility of trying and failing, trying bigger and failing bigger, all the while winning because when I try, I’m trying at my dream. Not winning in the traditional sense, money or fame, but winning in the sense that I am chasing down my dream with every last ounce of energy I have left, after being a mama and a wife and a PA.
I say all of this, because of my experience last week. One of our patients nearly died during a routine nuclear stress test. He went into cardiac arrest. He was blue and pulseless. I did CPR. I shocked him 3 separate times and when he came too, his first question was, “What time is it?”
It took me a whole week to really process this question. “What time is it?” It’s probably time to revel in life even more. To be thankful for the sun in the sweet sky. To save every last moment of my daughter’s toddler years. It’s time to take that return trip back to Africa. It’s time to call my 89 year old nanee and tell her how much I love her. It’s time to remember birthdays and send Father’s Day and Mother’s Day gifts. It’s time to date my husband again. I mean really date him. Plan romantic, creative, unique outings like we did in college. Kiss him good night, every night, no matter what. It’s time to take Ava to the beach more. It’s time to stop, what “if”ing and start doing. It’s time to seize the day, use my God given talents and be a photographer.
So for whatever reason, even though I’ve been taking pictures my whole life, something was different when I woke up this morning. Perhaps it was the experience of saving a man’s life 8 days ago, but when I woke up today, I thought to myself, I am a photographer, a keeper of memories, a life historian, and a decent one at that. I save people’s stories so long after their gone, should their favorite people forget their little nuances, the picture has a thousand words to remind them. (Love you grandpa , next time I’ll take your picture. I promise.)